Life. Not so much. My sweet childhood friend of many years stated today that she has been really kinda crappy to everyone around her for the past few weeks. Her husband calls it fussy. We must have been beaming our emotions across the mid western states. I have been feeling the same way. Just generally pissed.
My journal entry yesterday started out something like...I’m angry. Not just mad for a moment. But real, gut wrenching I can’t get over it angry. I don’t want peace. I don’t want someone to fix it. I just want to feel it. I just want to live in it. I just want to be angry until I am ready to process the events that brought me here. I want to live here until it burns itself out and the embers leave me singed and changed forever. I want the things I am learning, living and feeling to last. I don’t want to forget.
I really have just been angry. Fire built inside and roaring away angry. After a few days of being really tearful, (which isn't new to my disposition as stated in previous posts...) I just started being grumpy to everyone. I knew why. I had already found the source. Although, it continued to develop. I didn't want to fix it. Really. I wanted to feel it.
That's my advice to you today. If you feel blue, down, crappy, fussy, angry, sad. Embrace it. Feel it. I say.
Feel it. Find the source. Let it burn out. Learn from it.
The people around you are just going to have to deal with it for a minute. If you are lucky, they love you, and they will. Allow yourself to burn the emotions out or they will just return.
I recently told my daughter and youngest son, "Life sucks and then you die." They laughed hysterically because it was the first time they had heard it. Life does suck. It sucks us down and makes us cry. It pisses us off and then we move on from the wreckage. Life may suck sometimes...but it doesn't all the time. Embrace the suckage. It won't last.
Loves.
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